Your midline shift, our lifetime shift

Your world, my world, our world,
Shaken beyond, into another realm,
Twisted, mutilated, beyond recognition.
Isolated from humanity, contained in shock.
Reluctantly your grip loosens, as you begin your sleep.

We see the man, so strong, so you.
External appearance, full of deception.
We crave to turn back time, we bargain,
Some pray for life, some pray for death.
A chemically induced sleep.

Your sleep, the deepest coma provides
Your siesta from reality, from the foreign life awaiting.
Your body wasting, brain bleeding, cascading;
We give you permission to let go.
And yet you continue to sleep.

My love, my world,
Your body, your soul.
Unwillingly handed you over to strangers.
I am powerless, raw, emotionally raped.
As you continue to sleep.

The lives of your loved ones on hold,
Gathered into the foreign room,
Hurled into the capsule of denial, seeking protection,
Disbelief, numbness floods; engulfing, shielding.
And yet you sleep.

We wash, we massage, we gently whisper,
We fill the air with music, aromatherapy,
Surround your room with pictures.
Love and positivity we infuse,
Attempts at protection as you continue to sleep.

Pressure rises, burr holes drilled,
Skull removed, clots suctioned,
Cerebral dissection, no time for reflection.
Shock keeps me calm, clinical, removed.
Multiple medications, so you continue to sleep.

The weeping, the grieving,
The anger, the horror, the adrenaline,
The peaks, the troughs,
The destruction of what we thought we knew.
And yet you sleep.

We are stripped of power,
Disrobed, the decision to fulfil your wishes no longer ours,
Left naked, choice removed.
Maintaining your dignity becomes unreachable –
I unwittingly fail you, as you continue to sleep.

Suctioning lungs, thick creamy mucus,
Fever, heart rate, BP outrageously high,
Sepsis flows through your veins,
Faecal content as vomit spills.
Yellowed by jaundice, I puzzle how you continue to sleep.

Lives shattered, tears spill,
Tempers fly, sorrow fills,
Children grow, time flows,
All marked by the click of the respirator.
As you continue to sleep.

The reality of your prognosis,
They continue stubbornly to deny.
The wish for miracles unleashes my anger –
Surreal that some can avoid the certainty.
I pray – you continue to sleep.

I fear the future,
I seek and cherish the past.
In numbness, I wade through the present,
I weep for lost opportunity, words unspoken.
As you sleep, do you dream?

My love, do you feel the fear?
I wonder about the scars inflicted upon the psyche,
Physical, emotional trauma, remoulding who you were.
Through ‘life saving’ treatment forced upon you,
You fight for life, as you continue to sleep.

My life is full of fear, the future unfathomable,
Your well-being my focus, my obsession.
My life on hold, an unconditional pledge,
Until/when/if the rhythm of your new world steadies.
Do nightmares reign, while you are sleeping?

Undeniable change awaits all who say they “love you”.
The majority will walk away others will run,
A few new friendships cemented, through passion and struggle.
Your midline shift becomes our lifetime shift.
I will never truly sleep while you are sleeping. Read more!